isn't so bad. Jolene does it. Kaizar does it. Manu does it. A lot of people do it. And they can't all be retards. So a couple of weeks ago, armed with Murakami's book on running (thanks for the lend, Jo!) and a new pair of Asics, I started to run. Mostly because sometimes I experience this burst of energy and don't have an outlet for it. So I dance to like 80s music in my kitchen. But it's still not enough. I want to experience that sense of abandon I felt as a kid, running till you were exhausted. I did a mile and a half my first day. Now I'm up to three. It still sort of sucks sometimes. And I get stomach-aches afterwards, but I also get the high. Last week I tripped on broken sidewalk and skinned my knee. I was bleeding all over the place and this Armenian woman ran out and tried to help me get up which felt weird because she was in her 60s and I look like a relatively in-shape person, even if I'm not. But it made me remember the time I was running with my grandfather to the bus stop and fell and skinned both my knees and elbows. I was about three. There was blood all over the place and gravel embedded in my skin. My mom freaked out. Maybe this is why I've always hated running.
I don't think running is that bad anymore. I used to think it just hurt and made me feel out of breath and vomit. In 7th grade, I used to puke after they made us run the mile in gym because it would shock my body so much. And I was a swimmer so you'd think I'd have better endurance than that. But my gym teachers were assholes and I wanted them to feel bad, like they were killing me. But they were such fascist sadists that they didn't care. One year I accidentally puked on my gym teacher's shoes. Mrs. Anderson. She was such a bitch. I didn't feel bad about it afterwards. She always made me feel like an athletic loser. And then later, I had asthma, so I couldn't run because I'd like have to be hospitalized. But asthma's psychosomatic, so when I figured out my issues, it went away automatically. Now that I know I can run, I think I'll stop. Because that's some unpleasant shit I don't need to prove to myself anymore.
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i'm glad murakami helped with your existential running angst, or maybe it didn't. i think you shouldn't quit until you run a race. i think you would enjoy eavesdropping on the random conversations of your fellow runners. and it's also surreal for running to go from such a solo, meditative practice to having a competitive edge. i think you'd dig it.
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