I have to fly into Burbank airport, but the airport had a fall-out with the plane's captain and they won't let him land at the airport itself. He chooses to land in a nearby field.
I am angry at the captain for involving us in his petty airport wars.
When I get off the plane, I decide to go to a Wendy's.
The Captain of the plane is waiting for me at the cash register.
I order fries and a Coke.
He tells me he doesn't take orders from Armenians or non-Christians.
I'm not Armenian, I tell him.
The other one, then, he says.
Now I am really mad. This guy crash landed our plane in a field and now he won't give me my fries.
Why? I ask him. Can't you just make peace with anyone? Why you gotta make your own life so difficult? I ask.
What are you going to do about it? he asks.
I dump a Coke on his pants. Then I grab his blackberry and throw it into a fryer. It sizzles and becomes a pie.
He shakes his head at me. You didn't get it, he said.
No, you're right, I tell him. I'm just like you, I say.
You are me, he tells me.
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