I really really really want to read this paper and talk to the author but I can't download it onto my computer. This is seriously bumming me out. Like inordinately so. Also, I sliced open my finger grating gruyere on a cheese planer this weekend and my finger is now retarded and can't properly type. And this is a problem because I type with two fingers. Like a stupid person. And I haven't blogged in a week because what I want to write about is not something I want to have floating around the internets. So it is in my journal. And in my head. And slowly and surely making me crazy. And the season premiere of Mad Men was kind of a letdown. And I thought we were past June gloom. And I thought we were past all that. And I thought maybe for once in my life I have an answer. But I didn't. And I don't. So all I want is to read this fucking paper. This study of matrilineal societies in Kerala. And architecture as metaphor for gender power structures. That's all I want to do today. I don't want a glass of wine. Or to cry in my car. Or to journal for half an hour. Or to go to yoga in Runyon. Or a hike in the hills to make me feel better. I want to sit with myself. And read this fucking paper. But I can't. And this makes me want to fling something (heavy) across a room and have it hit someone and preferably break their shoulder or collarbone. And then blame it on the fact that we don't live in a matrilineal society. Sorry about the collarbone thing.