1. The Dalai Lama has a Twitter account. I fear this will render him an online fortune cookie.
2. Only 50% of Americans have internet access in their homes according to a new FCC study. Who are these people who are not intravenously reliant on the interwebs, you ask? You don't know them, they're mostly really old.
3. Dick Cheney will outlive us all (insert Energizer bunny metaphor here. Or whatever, I'm too tired to come up with anything that hasn't already been said before on this issue). Perhaps he lives off of spite, perhaps he is one of those vampire-freemasons who will have their own movie soon according to the guy who was eating sushi next to me in Beverly Hills a month ago.
Maybe the Dalai Lama should use his new Twitter account to challenge Dick Cheney to a duel. OR MAYBE the Dalai Lama's Twitter account has the magical ability to shut down the vampire-freemason industrial complex and one unspiteful tweet from the Dalai Lama is all it takes to make Dick Cheney disappear in a poof of air.
I hope this theory is tested soon.
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