you feel panicky for some reason so you decide to drink a diet coke, which seems to have an oddly calming and sedative effect on you. it makes no sense, since it's high in caffeine content, but you imagine that diet coke regulates your heart rhythms for some reason, like a liquid pacemaker that slows your heartbeat down. or something like that. and you've never really articulated this, except to your mom, who agrees with this, so you assume it's a genetic thing. anyway, so you try to open the tab but when you flip it, the can doesn't open, so you stick your thumb in and try to pry the lip open. and then you slice your thumb and then you're bleeding into your diet coke and all over your desk and it's kind of a mess. and then people around you are like, "oh my god! you're like bleeding all over the place!" and you're like "i know."
no? okay. just thought i'd ask.
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