Jumping the Shark

Last Saturday, 12:00 PM, Square One Dining: Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, cutting the line and getting the coveted inside corner table. Her: cute and perky. Him: gaunt and pale. It doesn't matter, I'm only filling in details. There are only a handful of tables at Square One. And a handful of loyal brunchers. B or C celebrities are fine. I don't mind Cristina Yang eating there, and no one would have noticed Justin by himself. But Drew Barrymore signals the end to pleasant Sunday brunches at my local brunch spot.

Last Wednesday, Natalie Portman at Edendale. Really Natalie? Can't you get a drink at like, Hungry Cat or something?

Friday night, 8:30 PM, Alegria: Chloe Sevigny and entourage appear wearing androgynous outfits documented by NYT less than a week ago. This was the final straw.


Dear celebrities,

No offense or anything, but when you start eating at my small neighborhood dining joints (By small I mean the kinds of places that only have like eight tables to begin with), they get overhyped and descend promptly into the shitter. I'm not saying you should stop eating or anything. And I know your dining options are limited as you have to keep your daily caloric intake under 800. Especially you, Justin. You are scarily skinny. Truthfully, I just hate you because you have the best gig on Earth and get free Apple products anytime you want them. And what have you even done to deserve that gig? Nothing! I won't get into your talent here, because that would just be mean.

But to the rest of you: I've heard there's great dining west of La Cienega. Or do as Adrian Grenier does, and park your Prius at the Silverlake Trader Joe's, buy a bunch of frozen vegan stuff and then go home and have your chef or your friends or Johnny Drama microwave it (This goes especially for you, Natalie. I know all about your dietary restrictions. I saw that episode of Top Chef).

This way, we can all be happy. You won't have to deal with people ogling you through your dinner and I can still get decent service at the places I love. It's a win-win for everybody!

Thanks!
me